weenus
Sat Mar 29, 2003, 04:02 PM
You cut me deep. For the most part I was to young to know, just how the rain drops or the wind blows, talk is cheap, but your words were expensive, when you had a tube down you're throat, you stayed strong like the stench did. That hospital taste, burried deep in my lungs, though I guess I should have been happy just to have some. I later found that yours had collapsed, organs failed inside of the cage where your heart had been trapped. I've never been religious, I can't pray to gods I don't believe in, but you better believe I was praying when I was hit with the thought of you leaving. I can't write those emotions, I can't convey how I felt, like Ice in the ocean, I felt my body just melt. And I cried every night, and I squeezed my fists tight, and I tried asking god, but those attempts were just trite, when resistence was futile, when existence was senile, forgetting the names, but faces sat like floor tiles, in my head in my mind, where I prayed you'd be fine, then they pulled the plug, my back they were behind. There was no hope for you, I truely understand it, but I was thirteen, fragile, and I couldn't handle that shit. You were my world, the one I love really, everyone else is just family, you said I made you tick, and making you tick was all that mattered to me. When you were forced in sleep, I came and yelled at you, "You said you'd be alright, now look at this mess that you put me through!" and you opened your eyes, and you started to cry, attempted speaking, doctors peeking, as I gripped your pained hands. They said you woke up, and that you'd be alright now, it was your way of telling me you were alright, now my nerves could settle down.
But in actuality it was your goodbye, you couldn't stand to let me down even in that state, it was your way of adding odds to ends, to clean your own slate. And you slipped away, and you went above, and they took away, the only one who ever loved me.
And I hate you for leaving and I hate them for taking you and I hate you for smoking and I hate them for letting you and I hate the arthritis that weakened your bones and I hate my grandpa for leaving you home to tear away at your lungs for all of those years and I hate this entire fucking family for bringing me nothing but tears.
You're the only one who never let me down, until then. Atleast you'll never let me down, ever again.
But in actuality it was your goodbye, you couldn't stand to let me down even in that state, it was your way of adding odds to ends, to clean your own slate. And you slipped away, and you went above, and they took away, the only one who ever loved me.
And I hate you for leaving and I hate them for taking you and I hate you for smoking and I hate them for letting you and I hate the arthritis that weakened your bones and I hate my grandpa for leaving you home to tear away at your lungs for all of those years and I hate this entire fucking family for bringing me nothing but tears.
You're the only one who never let me down, until then. Atleast you'll never let me down, ever again.